Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Whoz s kashmir nywayz
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the
United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.
A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to
tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is
named.
When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a
good opportunity to have a bath.'
He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A
Pakistani had stolen them.'
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are
you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'
The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech.'
And they say Kashmir belongs to them.......................
United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.
A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to
tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is
named.
When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a
good opportunity to have a bath.'
He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A
Pakistani had stolen them.'
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are
you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'
The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech.'
And they say Kashmir belongs to them.......................
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Give him another chance!
The leader says, We are all here today to prove to the world that Saradars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?
A Saradar works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, What is 15 plus 15?
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, Eighteen! Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 Saradars start cheering, Give him another chance! Give him another chance!
The leader says, Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance.
So he asks, What is 5 plus 5? After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, Ninety? The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh everyone is disheartened - the Saradar starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, Give him another chance! Give him another chance!
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, Ok! Ok! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, Four?
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 Saradars jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream
Give him another chance! Give him another chance!
A Saradar works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, What is 15 plus 15?
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, Eighteen! Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 Saradars start cheering, Give him another chance! Give him another chance!
The leader says, Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance.
So he asks, What is 5 plus 5? After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, Ninety? The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh everyone is disheartened - the Saradar starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, Give him another chance! Give him another chance!
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, Ok! Ok! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, Four?
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 Saradars jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream
Give him another chance! Give him another chance!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Killer Sardar Jokes.....No offence meant !
No offence meant !
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
15 degrees.
This is the actual radio conversation (released by the chief of naval operations) of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
CANADIANS: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision"
AMERICANS: "Recommend YOU divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision"
CANADIANS: "Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision"
AMERICANS: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course"
CANADIANS: "No, I say again, you divert your course"
AMERICANS: "This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship"
CANADIANS: "This is a LIGHTHOUSE. Your call"
CANADIANS: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision"
AMERICANS: "Recommend YOU divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision"
CANADIANS: "Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision"
AMERICANS: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course"
CANADIANS: "No, I say again, you divert your course"
AMERICANS: "This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship"
CANADIANS: "This is a LIGHTHOUSE. Your call"
Kill Bill...
Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
IF MICROSOFT RAN RESTAURANTS
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[Waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $2.50
Access to support $1.00
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[Waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $2.50
Access to support $1.00
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Over the hill
Just in case you’ve gotten so old you don’t know if you’ve turned 50 years old yet, here are a few hints that you just might be over that hill… jokes if you will. And before you laugh, remember: we’ll all get old eventually.
Top 10 Signs You’re Over The Hill
1.When you sleep, people worry you’re dead.
2.Your back goes out more than you do.
3.Your best friend is dating someone half their age… and aren’t breaking any laws.
4.You wear black socks with sandals.
5.When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
6.It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
7.Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
8.You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
9.Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
10.You forgot that you already had your 50th birthday.
Top 10 Signs You’re Over The Hill
1.When you sleep, people worry you’re dead.
2.Your back goes out more than you do.
3.Your best friend is dating someone half their age… and aren’t breaking any laws.
4.You wear black socks with sandals.
5.When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
6.It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
7.Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
8.You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
9.Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
10.You forgot that you already had your 50th birthday.
Pass or Fail???
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is our birthday. How can we study on our B'day??
Balance = 0 "How can a student pass"?
Typical academic year for a student
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is our birthday. How can we study on our B'day??
Balance = 0 "How can a student pass"?
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